As an esteemed member of my family, the beloved Tabanidae, I’m here to share some hard-earned advice.

Though I’ll only live 30 to 60 days as an adult, I can impart more wisdom than most humans who’ve lived 30 to 60 years.

So buckle up, buttercup, because here’s what I know:

You’re gonna have highs & lows, and you’re gonna spend a good portion of your life waiting for just the right opportunity to make your move.

Some days you’ll think it’ll never happen. But trust me, grasshopper, your moment will come.

And when it does, you can’t doubt. You can’t flinch. You can’t waffle.

You hold on tight, ’cause it’s all systems GO.

I ain’t sayin’ you won’t be scared, but you gotta charge in like you’re Luke Fuckin’ Skywalker takin’ on the goddamn Death Star.

But it won’t matter how good your game plan is nor how well you execute it.

You’ll have the naysayers, the doubters, the swatters & the squashers.

And they’ll think their nonsense is gonna break your style.

But screw ’em.

They can’t touch your swag.

You’ve got an iron will, and when that giant hand is roaring in to dispatch you with a colossal smackdown, you fake left & you fake right.

And you do it again and again. As many times as it takes.

Because that’s what’s life’s gonna throw at you…and it’s gonna keep chasin’ that KO until it thinks you’re broken.

But you’re no fool. And you’ve gotta stand up to let life know who’s boss.

But one day….

One day, when you least expect it, that hammer’s gonna rain down on you like the wrath of God.

You’ll be knocked right off your spurred feet & your body will feel crumpled to bits.

Your compound eyes won’t know which way is up, down, left, or right.

You won’t remember where you were going or why you were headed there in the first place.

And just then, at your very lowest & hardest hit, you’ll question everything you thought you ever knew.

You’ll doubt yourself, and you’ll wonder if you’ll have the strength to haul yourself back onto those hind, middle, or front legs again.

But…not so fast, bitches! Because you’ve got one last trick up your sleeve:

 Your ass is unbreakable.

That’s right.

You may be down, but you’re not out.  Never have been, never will be.

You’ll reinflate like a scorned Christmas snowglobe & bounce back stronger than ever – leaving that Massive Mitt of Misery fuming that you’re such a squirrelly bastard.

And I’ll tell you what – you let ’em fume. Let ’em curse. Let ’em steam.

They don’t know you! They think you’ll surrender to their will?

Your soul is alight with the fire of snapping turtles, toe-biters & dragonfly nymphs.

You’re a force of nature! You don’t bend.

You don’t surrender.

And you don’t break.

So you get back out there & you chase that dream like it’s the last juicy-ass hiker on the trail.

Because this whole big world, kid – it’s gonna be yours.