Last week we focused on how to handle being approached on the trail, but I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to acknowledge how to approach others more tactfully than the man who followed my fellow hiker & scared the living daylights out of her.

If your intention is to help someone, there’s nothing less helpful than making them fear for their lives.

First, what do I mean by “approach”?

By “approach,” I’m not talking about simple hello’s or chit chat characteristic of most excursions.

As noted last time, those exchanges are typical of most hikes & aren’t worrisome at all.

Rather, I’m talking about an approach where you suspect that someone may be in trouble or unprepared – confused, dehydrated, hypothermic, or somehow struggling in a way that may become dangerous.

Or perhaps it’s you who may be lost or scared, and you need to find a way to approach someone without seeming awkward.

If you feel an urge to connect in those circumstances, here are a few tips to avoid becoming an unintentional creeper.

Initial considerations

• Keep in mind that the #1 fear of most women outdoors is experiencing a threat to our personal safety – most specifically a sexual assault.
• Many women have experienced abuse & assault in their lives off the trails – and being approached in ways that feel threatening can trigger feelings of PTSD.
• This point isn’t exclusive to women – men also can be victims of abuse & assault.
• Military veterans often seek solace on the trails – and approaching them in ways that are unexpected can be frightening and/or trigger PTSD.
• Many people go outdoors to think, meditate, recharge & reconnect – it’s an integral part of their healing process.
• If you feel that you must approach someone, do so with compassion & thoughtfulness towards the battles they have faced & may still be facing.

Questions to consider before you “help”

• Ask yourself: why do you feel you need to approach them? Are they asking for help, or do you think they need help?
• Are you in a position of authority to help them (i.e. are you obligated in some way – perhaps a volunteer or EMT)?
• What type of help are you able to offer (i.e. do you have extra snacks or water that you could share that won’t put you at risk of running short on your own supplies? Are you willing to help walk them down?)
• Would you intervene and/or approach whether it was a man or a woman in the same situation?
• Have you already offered to help them? If so, was it accepted or declined? If it was declined, what reason do you have for following up?
• How would you feel being approached in this same situation?

• If someone is experiencing a medical emergency or has a condition that precludes them from making safe decisions (i.e. dementia, Alzheimer’s, moderate to severe hypothermia, heat stroke, cardiac issues), or you locate someone who has been missing, the first & most obvious step is to call 911 (most of you know this point already, but for anyone who may not, 911 initiates SAR callouts – you don’t need to call a separate number).
• Assuming that someone isn’t experiencing an emergency & is still fully functional, you can’t force them to do anything they don’t want to do – even if they’re making terrible decisions.
• If you feel that someone is a danger to themselves, you might call the local Fish & Wildlife office and/or police department and report that you met someone who is struggling, but didn’t want to accept aid in case there is a callout later.
• When you see people who are unprepared, remember – it isn’t your responsibility to save everyone you see. Yes, we want to look out for one another, but it’s also our own responsibility to look out for ourselves when we head outdoors. And you can’t babysit everyone who wears the wrong footwear, shows up in cotton on a cold winter day, doesn’t pack enough water, or doesn’t have a pack at all.

Approaching with safety in mind

• If you decide to approach someone, remember that not everyone wants to be assisted.
• Some people may reject you. If so, that’s fine – simply move along.
• Never force your help on them unless you suspect a medical condition is making them combative (i.e. dementia, head injury).
• Unlike the man who followed the female hiker, never follow someone quietly or sneak up on them. They’re only going to assume you’re being quiet on purpose – and that your purpose isn’t a good one.
• To avoid sneaking up on them (they may not hear you over the rustling of leaves or if they’re deep in thought), be sure to call out & announce yourself.
• When you do approach them, do so with your hands visible, palms out or together in front of you so they know you aren’t hiding anything. Also stay several feet away not only for their safety, but for yours (remember, they’re probably harmless, too, but you also don’t know them).
• Alternatively, avoid keeping your hands clasped behind your back or in your pockets, which will make you look suspicious (think about how that would look to you).
• If you need to put your hands in your pockets or reach into your pack to grab something, tell them exactly what you’re doing.
• Keep in mind that as much as you might want to help them, you don’t know them & they don’t know you. And while they might not be dangerous under normal circumstances, they might be scared if you approach them in an awkward or inadvertently threatening way. And if they’re carrying a weapon, that might become a threat to your safety if you aren’t careful.

No means no

• If you’ve approached someone & they’re reluctant to receive your help, let it go.
• The impact of trying to force an interaction is that you will either anger or frighten someone. You may even hurt them if you’re intervening in an activity they’re trying to complete, such as a water crossing.
• If you don’t take no for an answer, it’s a massive red flag that you’re someone who doesn’t respect personal boundaries – and that’s never a good sign.
• As noted above, the only exceptions to this rule are medical emergencies where the person may be combative or unreasonable by nature of their illness or injury, such as someone with dementia, a head injury, hypothermia, heat stroke, or anyone under similar duress.

Intent vs. Impact

• If your intent is to help someone, remember that it’s about them, not about you.
• Therefore, the impact of your actions should be useful, not detrimental.
• The man who approached the female hiker may have had good intentions, but his actions were about him, not about her. As a result, his presence wasn’t comforting or useful, but threatening. In her own words, when she saw that he’d followed her, her instant reaction was to wonder if she was going to get off that mountain alive.
• When you make contact with someone, think not only about your intentions, but what your impact might be. How would you want someone to approach you – or not – in the same situation?
• For example, consider the circumstances – are you isolated or are there other people around? Is there a gender difference? Is there a size differential? There are no hard & fast rules, but for reasons that should be obvious, different permutations of those factors are likely to result in different comfort/threat levels.

In conclusion

Most of us who approach others along the trail are doing so because we’re looking out for our fellow hikers.

But all it takes is one socially-inept snafu to rocket yourself from Mr. Rogers to a potential Annie Wilkes.

While most interactions are unremarkable, for the times when you’re uncertain how to handle them, ask yourself whether the person truly needs help, and if so, how you’d like to be approached in the same circumstances to avoid making them feel threatened or belittled.

In doing so, you’re much more likely to receive a positive response.

And if not? The only option left is to move on.

Special thanks to the New Hampshire Women’s Hiking Group for their input on this topic.